The personal god


A human being is born. Is raised by his parents, family and culture and is bred and moulded in accordance to the belief structures and the dos and dont’s around her. A mould that a human strives to maintain and sustain all his or her life. For when I examine my own life and how it evolved, there is a void that I arrived when I step beyond this barrier. And that goes something like this: If I am not who I am made out to be, then what AM I ? Then one has to come to a place of being a new born and question what was that entity? Or worse, even go to where and how did I come to BE that infant? A question many spiritual faiths and mainstream religions around the world have attempted to answer in their own ways. But no matter where I went to, seeking in my own quests, I came invariably to the same spot, metaphorically. And that is, in the end, it is always a personal quest. Not a public one. It is always my own answer that I choose to give it. Not the church, temple, mosque or a state. It is always an individual life. Always personal.

Of late, I have also been reflecting on the principle of god along the same lines. For when one speaks of god or the one god, one is invariably led into myriads of journeys on the various thoughts and philosophies about god. the various forms or the one form or even the formlessness or omnipresence, omniscience or omnipotent god and all such terms. But what is all that but words and more words to explain more words. I have not found in my little forays into god, explainable even remotely by mere words. For is god is indeed the creator of the universe and I am a part of it, how can it be trapped in the verbiage and vocabulary of a human made language of consonants and verbs? And where does one start then in this quest of god? Do I go seeking solace in the prayers of a church, in the gongs of a temple, or under more open ended search for gurus and masters that are out there, prophesying to be in touch with the creator? Or like many say look inward to find your creator. Creator is inside. And there are a number of words even there to explain more words. And so I spent a considerable years lost in this maze of words and spiritual jargon and verbiage.

Until some years ago. And I won’t give even a verbiage of terms here, since that only serves to fuel another fad of spiritual isms out there. Instead all I want to do here is to point out something for you to consider. But like everything else, I have found, god is also a personal god. a personal god. To each his own. It does not really matter, in the end, what one is born into or what one choses to change into in terms of faith. Its in the feeling. Its in the fleeting glimpses of goose bumps that one gets in the little things of life. Its in the soft whisperings of the wind. Its a great blue sky upon a sun shining day, taking a deep breath and feeling of well being. Its in the little voice inside you that says I am here, when you least expect it. Its in the healing that occur everywhere, or the answered mothers prayers for her child. Its in the thought that changes the course of a mans life. Its in the good luck that one ascribes to, the synchronicities of life that a human experiences. These are just a very few examples of a personal god that each of us experience. They are soft. They are gentle. They are felt tangibly. And yet there are no words to really describe it, are there? That is the personal god I am pointing to here. And personal god visits each one of us humans in our lives. Everyday lives. And if we as humanity, start acknowledging this aspect as a common to all of us and use that as a basis, the personal god will heal more wounds of the society, than will any man made structures of temples or churches or mosques. I believe it is in acknowledging this personal god that visits each of us, that we can really connect with one another. And it has no name. It has no place or purpose. It has no structure or logic. It simply is.

The last and first bastion of God


There have been times in my life when all have seemingly lost value, inherent value. Closely following that feeling is always faith. And then it all seemingly falls away like a pack of cards, you may say or a sand castle, or any metaphor you like to use. It doesn’t matter as long as you get my drift. It all seems to go away. Where, as one author puts it       ” breath becomes air”. Void fills my space, within, external and everything in-between. Everything feels surreal, unreal and I feel, once again, that familiar feeling of , “who am I really ” or “what am I really doing here?” sets in. And go as much as I may along this merry ride of pointless inquisitiveness of self enquiry, it does not logically or otherwise lead me into a place of a heart filled solace and peace, that I would normally feel at other times. Where has God forsaken me? I ask quietly.

And suddenly from nowhere, seemingly as I sit wondering, my eyes meet a lovely blooming flower right in front of me. Shaking silently in a quietest of breeze, as if to say “Here I am!, Cant you see me?”. and that has always been, to me, something like a restart, or a reset of coming back out of a void of nothingness. beauty has that quality I feel. It has always been the starting point of all mans quest into divinity and when all seems lost, faith gone, value lost, a sense of purpose and practicality and a sense of quiet continuance of life itself seems pointless, there is beauty. it is embedded in everything around you, all the time!

all the time. Yes! All the time. And in the seemingly most inconspicuous of times, it will pop right in front of your gaze. it has done so for the most profound idiots and made them into orators and poets overnight ! it is the reason for all the quest of mankind into art, music and creative endeavors. It is the meaningless meaning. Beauty is beyond logic and understanding. It is the most meaningless of all senses, and yet because it is beyond everything, it is both the last and the first bastion of God. It has a grace of holding my hand,when all else has failed to grasp its slippery feel. It has a way of telling me to stay for a while. for no reason other than just enjoy. be present. smile, if that is not too much of an effort at the time. shed a tear or two, if I am still human enough. it has a way of holding me hostage to this reality around me firmly. for who in their right minds, who sees this beauty would actually want to leave it? even when i desire a fresh new landscape in my life, a new way of being, it has always started from a signpost of something beautiful. and not necessarily some exotic landscape or a tourist destination; but most of the time, something that is always around me, maybe in my own house, maybe I am even looking at it. and there beauty itself would catch me. and it becomes the start of something new. And so this pointless, meaningless beauty, becomes an all meaningful, blissful, and all the reasons that I cannot imagine but yet the very reasons I exist, to continue. to continue. until that point, where another moment comes along, and starts it all again! and again.

The Vast Now


635946939424314525-218159995_Start-Living-In-The-Nowthe other day i got a glimpse of this. probably nothing more than an idea or a concept. or probably a lot more. i shall leave that for you to decide anyway.

there is always the talk of the NOW in spirituality. i used to wonder a lot about that. and then i gave up. since all of that would be, once again, intellectual gibberish of words and nothing more, i did not bother myself with unnecessary mindstuff. but then again, these things have a way of visiting you, when you least expect it. many of you know that i mean there. so did the now. and here is what i found.

the now is very vast. it is void. void of time, void of any concept at all. it does not contain anything. and yet, because of that very nature, it has everything, inside and outside of time and space, since it is beyond both. there is a vastness of all ideas, all possibilities and all existences that may be there, even as possibilities, as well as realities. because of its nature, it is not definable in words, but rather felt as an experience of itself. and since i am the one experiencing it now, i am in the now and i am the now. and that can be a terribly expansive, scary feeling, if you want to call it that. i suddenly found myself in a vastness i could not get boundaries of, and yet there was a presence that was simple enough just to be here and of course, now. how can extreme simplicity and complexity be resident in the same breath or space?! well it was, and that is what now felt like.

there was all of me, all that wasn’t me, all that was my past, my present and all future possibilities were all there, and yet the birds were chirping, the beautiful fragrance of fresh morning air was there, gentle swaying of breeze, people moving about doing things, all were there. just another normal day. and yet, within this normal morning, was an extraordinary dimension of existence, of the now. it had all of me, so completely, that it dared me to completely accept me just as i was, in the now. everything. nothing excluded, since the now did not seem like it excluded anything or anyone, so why me? it also requested me to include all that was me in reflection of all the people i had ever known and met as me, since; again it was all inclusive. and so why the fear i wondered? perhaps it is in the vastness of it, as an experience and not a concept. it was not an airy fairy nebulous concept anymore. it was here. and i was experiencing it. without knowing what its size is, i knew it was vast. and because i was experiencing it, i was vast. and suddenly becoming vast, encompassing all of just you, as you, and knowing it all as beautiful and whole and complete, in one cold second? yes, the now can be scary. but this time around i enjoyed it. being lost in it without any requirement. without any need for running back into the security of what i had known.

can you accept all of you as you? it does exist you know. and you are it. without any modification or addition or subtractions or any this or that. you are that. for you always exist in the now. and that now is always available, here and now.

the barriers of belief



if there is one strong energy, that blocks all of a humans progress into the unknowns and territories unexplained, it is the barrier of belief. and it is one very strongly tied into emotional security. the intellect does not require security, for it knows, it can always reason and find new avenues to discover and thrive from. whereas the emotional security is what humans normally call belief. it is a requirement on the part of the human, without any personal discernment. there is no credit given in a belief system, “to know”, “the gut feeling” or the intuition. beliefs are etched in stone, and that is the way it has always been. or so we are told. belief requires unconditional concurrence. it requires unquestioned faith. it requires followers. it requires a herd or a mob mentality for it to sustain itself.

and so humanity all over has this trait. especially in the old energy. for it was needed to somehow shepherd and monitor humanity into a proper direction by giving them a set of structured beliefs and systems thereof. and then it became the well known tool for power people to use and misuse for their own benefit. but above all, this highest strength is not even that. it is the personal. the immediate family and friends. the community next to the human. if a person choses to step away from that stronghold of belief, he or she must face consequences of emotional isolation. or so it had been, once again in the older energies. social ostracization. mockery. isolation as a result. and so in the older energies, very few got of the wheel of mainstream beliefs and systems.

now the energies of the planet have changed. there is new consciousness of questioning everything that was old beliefs, ideas and structures. and it is everywhere in the world now. people are waking up from a dream. and the very first hurdle they encounter, is the barrier of belief. can they step away from what they were taught and told. can they go with the awakening happening in the silent depths of their being. can they discover what this calling inside is all about? and it has already begun. the awakening of humanity is upon us. and it is vital to know, that there is no one stopping you now, to cross the barriers of belief. it is vital to know, that you have many who are feeling the same way you are, and are stepping out of the box they were born into. for humans take courage from other humans. and it is vital to realize, that you are not alone in this. there are many. perhaps around your in your workplace, in your community, town, village and perhaps even among your friends. for many, this will be a source of great courage to boldly step forth. they would need it. for many others who do not need that kind of support, are already there, waiting with their hands out to you. expand your family. remove your blinders of culture and beliefs and truly see. you never know what you might find.

divinity or drama


so much of human divinity, is dulled by drama, its amazing for me to see it every day, every hour almost. it is almost like, there is never a time, when there isn’t any of that. the human duality is really strong i must say!! there is the repeated talks of this and that, worries about this and that, all the rights and wrongs about this and that. to lace it all there are personal voices that echo through the being. the voices in the head. the feelings in the heart. all constituting so much of noise! and is it any wonder, that we search for peace. both outside and inside.

divinity can only be tuned into. it is not there by default. just like tuning into a radio station. one must go there with intent. and just intent isn’t enough. for humans have always that laundry list of things they want, desire need, wish, crave. so how does one go there? if at all. and does it take a guru, a spiritual leader, or a holy book to get you there? or could divinity be really that simple and accessible to your everyday hour, minute and second? one should ask a lot of questions about divinity. and who best to ask such questions about divinity, than divinity itself! doesn’t it make sense that one should ask about god TO god? no human is qualified enough in that department. because there is always that duality playing strings within the hearts and minds of humans. there is always that energy of doubt, skepticism and suspicion that lurks when even listening to divine truths isn’t there? and if indeed there is a divine, and it has been said everywhere, that divine is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient? then isn’t god everywhere, even here now with you, reading through you? in fact, if you really looked at it, try asking yourself in the thick of any drama that you are in at any time, “god is here watching all of this, so what would god make of this?” you might find that very soon, there won’t be much energy to carry on the drama, if you do it really sincerely.

and yet, human duality is always there. there is always the differences of opinions. there is always that mind, that doesn’t want to lose: even it be spiritual right and wrong ways to go about contacting god. fortunately for us, there is no battle in love. there is no disagreement in compassion and caring. there is no dissonance in appreciation of beauty. so why not start making your phone calls to god, in those moments. the moments when you’re in joy, in love, in compassion and caring. just start a conversation with your own divinity. you never know who or what might talk back  to you! and in what shape or form. or through whom or what. and if and when you do , you might then begin to realize that to know your own divinity feels right. it feels like the place to be. no justification needed. no special front row seats there. most importantly, no dramas or attitude. and you’ll feel it in your own way, your own time and just the way it feels right and comfortable to you. you don’t have to believe or accept anything. there is no controls and compulsion like the human fabricated ways of living. most of all there is no place for fear. can you imagine a place without fear inside of you? that is the only place with true peace. a peace without any understanding of why or how or who or what.

what is spirituality and what is not


on the seekers path, as one really has no concept of what one is seeking, other than an invisible “push” from within, that drives one into exploration of all sorts; i observed that i tended to absorb new concepts, call them “my own” for a little while and discard them equally quickly moments later. now those moments maybe also in years or months, depending how much i explored and what universe presented to me as evidence of my own inner growth. this, as one can imagine was quite confusing for me, and it still is; and in some ways i guess it is confusing. to me and my mind at least🙂 and so even here now, at this stage, i wanted to share some knowing, perhaps understanding could be a closer word to describe it, of one of illusions that got shattered in me, along this path.

and that illusion is the identity of the seeker himself, herself. and since these days spirituality itself is such a fad, like perhaps even meditation or yoga is. its the next “in” thing there is on the social media and people are suddenly “spiritual” in their status or in real life, doing this modality of healing or that one, just to be “in the game” is it not. social isolation, after all, is a profound fear for us humans. it does not really matter where and how one enters into this path really, whether as a fad or whether as a serious quest. because what i have found, is that ultimately, all are spiritual, knowingly or unknowingly. all are “on this path”, whatever that mysterious path may be or may be not. because i have come to experience, that one is simply not limited to what one believes oneself to believe or hold as their truth. and the truth, quite simply, is beyond the mental perceptions or what mind can hold. so it has been told by many a wise men and women. saints and realized masters alike. but again, everyone who calls themselves a seeker or one on spiritual path, should always always recognize, that just about everyone else, even the most non-spiritual person you know, even the most hardened criminal you can see on the news, even the darkest thing you can imagine, so to speak, is still on a spiritual path. that may be perhaps, the most difficult thing for many spiritualists to admit. for now, instead of the normal everyday ego, you have a spiritual superiority ego. substitute one with another, and yet there is no compassion or wisdom in making anyone “less than”  is there?

so i submit to you, of what i have learnt, that there is divinity in all. at least in whatever i have known. and it presents itself to you, only in a way that you are open enough to receive. one of the first thing all spiritualists old and new age or any other category you may call, lightworker etc etc, could do well with, right away, is in discarding the notion or the remotest belief of a soul being higher or lower etc. a soul is a soul. always pure always with god/spirit. and although the human may choose this way or that way, does not make the soul pure or impure, but just a choice they are exercising which they have been divinely gifted with. it would be wise not to put yourself as a soul in a pedestal, for you will sooner or later see, that this simply isn’t the truth. and you will stop welcoming the truth that is always there, from opening to you, if you keep denying whats in front of your nose all the time. so all are spiritual, really. everyone you know or have read about. not just you or i . and its always been that way. always. the idea that one is higher, or lower, spiritual or non spiritual, is all duality based experience, as it is necessary and beautiful. you are beautiful, lovely, and sacred as you are! blessed are all 7 billion here who are all here to participate and enjoy the experience in physical form and this beautiful earth.❤

Two phrases


As always there are energetic roots to everything we as humans do, whether it is in thought or action. so here are two phrases,i would like you to use, and see for yourself if it has an energetic change inside of you. you can feel it in your being, if you do it with feeling. the best thing about this is, it need not be understood, only said in your mind or out loud when you’re quiet and alone.

first phrase is this: everything is here always. i repeat: everything is here always. feel that in your being. some beauty about the truth of that phrase, is quite beyond our rational brain thinking. now your rational side will be questioning on a rampage like “wait a minute, thats not completely true… and this and that and this and that “. so once again just say to yourself ” everything is here always”. there is that peace again. an unnamed peace. an assurance without knowing. and since this is more of an exercise in feeling and shifting rather than a mental explanation, i would rather leave this one and the next phrase one, without any personalized explanation. since all experience is unique, yours will be as well, and for me to explain would serve no purpose since your being and energies would bring that extra special uniqueness to it, that any volume of my explanation simply cannot.

second phrase is this: something or the other is happening all the time. i repeat: something or the other is happening all the time. again, feel that. there is that flow of peace again. that truth without any reason or understanding. maybe its just stating fact, but the energies it brings in your system are very unique.

so use these two phrases, and as often as you can, and feel into every area of your life that those shifts bring you.