the luxuriousness of awakening


there is a certain energy to an awakening soul. and feel into this, as you may have already known in your own awakening experience. it is a sense of spacious luxuriousness. and i am not just speaking here of those countless aha moments or epiphanies that is so common to all awakening souls. but a luxurious feeling. its more in the feeling space first and then travels, so to speak, to the mental space where thoughts and reasoning happens. a luxuriousness of breathing easy. of walking slowly. smelling the breath itself. blinking slowly perhaps. staring at things or surroundings or people as you walk by in the streets longer perhaps. a feeling of being luxurious within ones own skin and body, is strongly indicative of just one of the many so called symptoms of awakening. and this isn’t very commonly recorded in many places, as i have come across. but you know its there.

that languid stretching into what is being comfortable within ones own skin is something i have seen within other beings who are awakening also. it is unnamed. there is no earthly way to describe the feeling except in pointing towards that. it has a quality of having a lot of smiles, a lot of sighs, and it maybe something because you see and you observe perhaps something you’ve never quite seen in that before. it may not be necessarily be something new. it maybe perceiving something already there with new internal feeling about it. its more than just bland awareness. it is more feeling as well. it is more than a feeling. it is the feeling of a childlike sheer curiosity and wonder. it is a sensuality and yet it is beyond sensuality. it is not sensuality as an external temporal experience, rather feeling and becoming it as a whole being. it is dancing to an unheard tune and  yet music and dance become a blend that resonates into it. dancing and art become a natural extension to this luxury. not something that is to be done, but an extension of it.  even daily chores and work start becoming extensions of luxuriousness. safety and protection start seemingly going away from you in stages. for what is there to be safe or protected against, when everything is conspiring to embrace you in its arms and just play with you. there is that again. play. but a play not born of hurriedness or competition, but just an ease of luxuriousness, a slow dance. sighing a lot. a lot! at the beauty and cuteness of everyone and everything around. of course it has always been beautiful. but now you see it!

so you see, how this can become an expanded sensual living, moment to moment, day to day. obviously one does not want or have the desire to veer away from such a state. perhaps it is one reason why masters of yore and present, are just content to sit and contemplate the beauty in them, around them.

illusion within self discovery



one of the illusions i discovered within self discovery, was pretty unconscious. as everything in seeking is concerned, it is always a path tread, with so many seeming obstacles, which are essentially not, but we perceive it that way, since, to begin with, we are an unconscious entity, trying to seek or know the truth of who we really are, as a being. so it does become a case of a blind man leading another blind man. so where does one start or proceed, in a world littered with everyone trying to throw in their own spiritual coin of faith, order, belief, wisdom, practices and teachings at you, saying this one is right and that one is better. indeed it can be very challenging. but the irony of this is, one with the inner strength usually proceeds. the one who is unto the challenge proceeds anyway. just constantly exploring and growing in baby steps, but moving forward nevertheless. not by faith or teaching or wisdom, but just by some unknown inner  bravery. the part of the world which is not into seeking, usually calls them mad or eccentric to even attempt such a task.

and so today, i am guided to point out one such fallacy that i was under, that came to into light for my inner perception to see and be recognized for what it is. the fallacy is this. somewhere along my seeking, i had always assumed that spiritual seeking would “get me from point A to point B”. and in a linear bias that i have as a human being, that meant, transition. transition of physical? mental? emotional? going from one physical place to another? change of life from one type to another? one or all of those i guess. i say i guess, because i am still unravelling the energy of the whole intuitive feeling i received. but never in my wildest dreams did i imagine, that it would arrive right where i stood and there is no real “going or coming” anywhere! the seeker should know this. most seekers start the journey by trying to explain or understand deeply the meaning of some tragedy of their lives or a deep seated sadness or shock. maybe health, maybe death of someone or loss of some kind; which is unexplainable or mind cannot comprehend the depth and scope of why it happened. that “why” pulls one into a quest of seeking. when any mental or logical explanation is not enough, one turns towards spiritual. when prayer or the comfort of religion is not enough, one begins a seekers path. but the very words like path, implies an illusion that one must go somewhere, someplace. what if it isn’t going anywhere at all. fine. some gurus would have you believe that you sit at one place and go inward. i tried that. gets boring after a while when nothing seems to happen. but the good news is that your very act of actively seeking itself, pulls the solutions you seek and answers toward you. you pull it like a source of gravitation for answers you seek. its not so much about going anywhere so much as questioning everything, and i mean everything. the only real discernment you have, your only guidepost is your inner intuition. and as you continue to seek, external and internal, this inner voice grows in strength and volume, so one cannot help but hear very loudly. almost like someone speaking in your physical ear itself.

so today, i just like you take this much with you. truth will arrive at your doorstep. and yet it feels like you’re actually going somewhere. it is one of the paradoxes of seeking itself. do not be consumed with why this is so. there is no need to. the mind simply cannot comprehend whats beyond its own capacity. and something beyond the mind, will educate the mind itself, as it brings greater joy, healing and love into your hearts and minds. what seems like traveling or moving, will seem halting and stationary at times. at other times it feels as if things are whizzing past you at dizzy speeds. and yet you’re still there. standing. breathing. thats the way it feels many times. try not to be consumed with questions and a mind that would seem as if it is spinning out of control. you’re not. you’re simply here and now. more aware and more sensing all of the time.

from being right, to being irrelevant


when i say i want peace in my heart, the closest i came to resonating with, was the peace of god. what could the peace of god feel like? what would make god peaceful? that absolute sense of pure acceptance and allowance of anything! one of the things that came to me, on a little reflection was, allowance of everything. but why do we humans struggle with that a lot?

as usual, my answers came to me upon self reflection and my own behaviors, judgements and tendencies, as it was shown to me, like an observer standing back and watching what i was doing, thinking, feeling etc. i was and still do in many ways, for these are more like knee jerk reactions with us humans, defend myself. defense is a natural reaction, to a perceived attack. i say perceived here, but when it happens to me, even in everyday life, it feels very very real. very tangible feeling. something that races my heartbeat, rushes blood to my head and wants to react, lash back, give all the 2 cents i can get out of my brain to that person or persons standing before me. defense of what? it maybe defense of an idea, belief, of an accusation, of my personality and why it is i do what i do, as seen by others around me, judgments about me etc etc. you get the energy of it. its me versus them. whoever the them might be. doesn’t matter. the energy is the same. the survivor comes forward with spears and weapons to defend all of those. but at its root what is it? personally, whenever i looked further within me, it was and always has been, the need to be right. it sounds overtly simplified, but its profoundly true! i found this not just in me, but after i did, i started noticing it everywhere. family, friends, colleagues… everyone. why does human want to be right above all else? further deeper revealed, it is to feel safe! somewhere along the line of my growing up, i felt a certain safety, or cultivated a wall of safety with borrowed ideas from society, schools, friends, information and books that i read and that became my wall of safety. in feeling safe, i was secure. knowing that i could flash that trump card of argument, a debate, to vanquish my enemy was me in my shining armor! and my need to be right became my addiction. constantly having to reinforce an ideology that in its base is just empty arguments and words without substance. and yet when i went home, alone with myself, there was just me. tiny me. insecure and shy. alone and afraid in this vast world. isn’t this the kind of world many of us live in? it is very powerful and as you can see it is very real.

nowadays, i have started trading for inner peace, before the need to be right. it feels more lighter. yes it does not feel safe. yes it feels very vulnerable and open. yes many times i am afraid more than before. but there i am finding there isn’t that inner struggle many have. i see people going through endless conversations, talking and talking in many public places, restaurants etc, and when i overhear, most of it is just to prove who is righter or smarter and what their accomplishments are. oh how profound is our need to be right. not just individual. look at the planetary scale of this for a moment. the need to be right is dominant force of human energy wasted in defending all religious, moral, social, ethical and societal structures and belief systems of every single country and tribe on the planet. whole groups of people are defending against another group of people, just for what they believe to be right! and even as you read this, you can feel that energy of i am right, welling up inside of you. isn’t that strong! it has been the energy of the planet for millennia. and now thats all changing.

humanity, in its individual lives as well as a collective are now moving from the need to be right, by questioning all accepted norms and belief systems, and moving them into an area of being irrelevant. irrelevance has a funny kind of lightness to it. when we make something irrelevant, it loses that heavy energy instantly. suddenly, without any need of any explanation, there is an unnamed lightness to it. suddenly there can be breathing. suddenly we have time to smell the roses. suddenly, just the breeze and walking along slowly can be fun. after all, nothing is relevant. it just is. and humanity will then have time for the real things that matter to humans. we can spend time building instead of collapsing. of loving instead of fighting. of smiling from heart to a stranger instead of frowning. of doing things, just because they feel good, rather than doing things because they need to be done. people are making many things, each in their own land, irrelevant very fast. its happening right before your eyes. just turn on your tv. its not surprise. the lightness of being, is surfacing from its slumber of ages within every human. and this lightness is beautiful. it makes you sigh a lot. smile for no reason a lot. laugh a lot. much about oneself to oneself. all simply because we have slightly sidestepped the need to be right and making another wrong. and just spend time having fun and making life happier for one another and to oneself.

Fast time or slow time

If you’re finding Somedays that time is going noticeably slower than other typical days; it is apparent that you are moving faster than time itself. You’ll also notice that on such days you’re feeling more tired and sleepy or lazy or just shutdown on such days. If you’re moving faster than time without any other external change, it’s probably because you’re integrating inside ; hence it disconnects one from external stuff, work etc and you tend to be more withdrawn , more introverted, than usual.

On the other hand, the converse is also true. The days when time just seems to zip by are when you feel energetic also since you are going slower than time. It’s your natural rhythm to have time zip by you. That is why when you’re enjoying what you do or are V involved in any activity, time just seems to zip by. 

the hidden assumptions

Questions and Answers signpost
Concept image of the six most common questions and answers on a signpost.

there is something we all humans do. making assumptions. and this is ok when you’re in the investigative, cognitive or scientific pursuits for it helps in the overall process. we assume some parameters or conditions to begin with and start the process. then we go on to discover that those assumptions maybe wrong or deviant to actual proven truths. this has an actual name: reductio ad absurdum. reduced to absurdity. this is an acceptable reasoning process, even in a tightly rigid logical process like mathematics. many theorems are proved this way. engineering and physics uses a lot of assumptions too.

i have come to learn some other types of assumptions that may not have such a good or a productive result. and these are not in the area of any studies or science. these are more in the area of personal lives. we may assume some qualities of a human being perhaps in the beginning . these may not be proven true in the course of more interaction. of course if you make the assumption consciously, its ok to discard them and move on. just like we do in science. so conscious assumptions are not that difficult to discard. the silent enemy is more of a hidden kind. the hidden assumption. it happens all the time in daily interactions if you’ve noticed. we assume something about a place, a group of people or a country or even our friends, relatives and near and dear ones; ones that we do not even know we made an assumption of. it was not done cognitive, but rather unconsciously. and because they are silent, they create a devastating effect on us, when they are proven wrong; since we do not know why or what part of us assumed that to be true in the first place. not knowing the source of reason for assumption, cognitively, and being proven wrong on that assumption can be quite a challenge to resolve energetically. where would you go to find that place or that basis of assumption? most times, i have found, the silent assumptions are made, as a result of our past experiences. for example, i met many tall people and tall people are very trustworthy so this person should inherently be trustworthy. thats an assumption based on the past experience. even such a small thing, it was assumed and my further trust and interactions would have that underlying assumption based upon that.

let me tell you something i learnt with seekers and light workers or the new age spirituality seekers. they are mushrooming all over the place and there are so many new energy healing methods now. many are very effective and support beautiful healing modalities. helps people get unstuck and move forward. create powerful emotional healing, mental and many times physical healing, especially if they are psychosomatic kind of illness. and each is good in its own way; has application and use. i have used so many and have received a lot from many of them myself. its all good. and so somewhere along the line, my silent assumption was that everyone who is a channeler or a healer of some type, is a perfectly balanced person, an everyday saint of sorts and there is nothing wrong with them personally, in physique, emotion or mental health. as time and time again, many times i was proven wrong. i found each to have some or the other kind of challenge or imbalance, which would make them, well, just as human as me. they were not super human, simply because they have some kind of ESP or healing ability or have done n number of courses or practice this or that. trust me, they are all human just like you and me. in fact, i found some with very good abilities, having more imbalance than myself. and i asked myself how could THAT be? they have talents and abilities i don’t have. but its true!

so be aware of silent assumptions my friends. how can we know we have one? easy. whenever you find yourself in everyday life or situations, having a certain energy signature or certain specific behaviors towards specific people, places or such, try asking yourself, whats behind my assumption of this? does this come from a specific place in my past?  and any number of such open question to yourself will bring the truth forward. its beautiful. and you become your own guide in the process, rather than relying on an unconscious past experience, which will only make history repeat itself or a blind assumption which will make you stumble and fumble around, and making mistakes. it is better to learn and do everything, as if its your first time. then you can safely forgive yourself for all the mistakes you make. and that way, you do not ever have to find a nameless ghost called the silent assumptions and bounce around its repercussions.

role playing within seekers


i use the term seekers, since the term lightworker or spiritual people is much over used and much overrated as well. seeker is a more sincere term i came across while defining my own search. since i did not quite understand what spirituality or divinity itself means, other than the webster definition of it. seeker to me meant more wide and more sincere, since i am seeking… seeking something that i do not know, and yet, do know at some deep level. perhaps i am seeking to unravel the best parts of me, which by the way, I’m finding is a continuous process of unfolding. probably I’m waiting for that big aha moment, in the secret wanting of my heart someplace :) can’t you tell :)

anyway, there is one aspect among many fellow seekers i have found. i am inspired to share it here, since it may point a certain energetic pattern even for you who are reading these. role playing. somewhere along the line i discovered for example, within me, that i was secretly seeking to “be a master” to be “applauded, or better than”. the energetic shift of now, has it just the other way though. each human must discover the mastery within himself or herself. its no longer the case of a single guru or master. consciously i did not know that this bothered me until it revealed itself one day! that was indeed a strange discovery. and so started a slew of questions after that: what if there are many masters? why does bother me? is there still an old energy of hero worship embedded somewhere within my self? never mind all the mindless questions, but still i wondered, how many more seekers there, had a spiritual superiority role playing going on, secretly? unconsciously. that lead to more. role playing. and indeed i understood that many seekers are role playing still. some in the role of a martyr: monks, priests, etc who renounce everything. playing martyrs for god. there are others. some playing the role of sacrificial lambs. always giving and never receiving. these may not even call themselves seekers. they maybe just ordinary citizens. jobs. businesses etc. all of humanity is seeking anyway, so there is no such thing really as a seeker if you ask me. but back to role playing. abuser and the abused. those are roles as well. many seekers never seem to make it out of the role of the abused. many don’t seem to get out of the abuser. all that is in all the above has an energy of guilt and shame embedded. of doing harm or being done harm. and that feeling usually is one of pain, since when we descend as angels in human form, it is not in our nature or our physical body nature to host pain, since our essence is love and compassion. our bodies respond and are healthy for love and compassion. so why not play all roles, if we must, but realize that its only a role and there is no shame or guilt in anything at all. why not understand that all we are is love, and whatever roles we play, be it in seeking or as father, mother, doctor, engineers, lawyer, student, criminal, police etc are all just that. roles. labels. just for a lifetime. thats all. who we are as beings is far more than a role or a label. and even if we do not know what our true nature is, is it not ok, to feel that and know that all is well no matter what roles we are playing?



so many of us ask for new paths to emerge in our lives. be it professional, personal or spiritual. it may be simple things. yet we ask for different things. health, wealth, happiness, job, relationship with family/friends etc. when we say “different” things, do we really know what we are asking for? in my experience with this aspect of asking for new or different things, generally what helps me is my own soul searching. books, inspired talks, positive thoughts as forwarded almost everyday on Facebook or a blog like this or twitter are all good, all have their place and give us that nudge, that little voice inside that feels good about it, feels inspired to action. and yet most times nothing physically shifts or transits. Why??

although there have been many reasons given, sometimes timing isn’t right in your life for you to have what you’re asking for is the reasons given by many. personally i do not resonate with that at all. hey, if its ok for me to have a million dollars in 20 years, its ok for me to have it NOW also is it not? the logic of that made no sense to me. and yet, anyway, lets say physically nothing shifted for me, just by dreaming, or by reading the book “the secret” or drowning myself in positive quotes. or like some say, be grateful for what you have, for gratitude brings about an internal shift in your own perception. that will make you happier and more successful. slight truth in that i must say, for this is at least not time dependent and one can, if one wishes, just have gratitude that you can have two meals a day, if you’re reading this, you probably could afford two meals a day and thats a good enough place to be grateful about. see? results of shifting your energy right there. but not quite a complete solution. some might say, its your patterns, belief systems, thought processes, karmic past, cellular memories etc etc need to be cleared and removed, so that you can be an invitation to new energies. this seemed mysterious, so i engaged in it actively, just to explore what all that terminology really means. and it did take me a distance. i did learn about myself a bit more. probably all the prejudices and judgements i had. all the blame, shame, guilt and regret i carried all along with me. it did help removing all the trash and do a little house keeping i guess. and that served its purpose also. for unless one removes trash, one cannot see ones house as beautiful can they. along the way i also learnt of just how many everyday looking people, carry how much of trash, but never have any awareness of it, since they never even explored that track. always seems to amaze me. my own ignorance of many things yet undiscovered and yet, my own path of how far i have travelled in relation to others that don’t even give a rats ass about any of such stuff.

anyway, so what does one really ask for when one is asking for a new path? what i found, is that one is asking for a different internal perception of the way one is looking at life itself. ones own personal life. thoughts that go on endlessly. heavy emotions perhaps. habits perhaps. and processes and healing do help in removing energetic blocks. although what it also brings is an awareness, that one has to dream without shame. dream uninhibited. be visual. very very very visual. about everything. if you’re thinking big money, think really big money and live it. if you’re thinking sex, then visualize everything with that ideal mate. if you’re thinking health, imagine running 50 mile marathon, as easy as taking a 10 minute slow walk. but the key is this: take it ALL the way. take it in detail. live every moment of it. breathe it. become it. even if its just in your imagination. just live it. after all you don’t have to pay money for your own imagination. ever. and so what if you do not ever get any of those things in physical life. you’re living NOW aren’t you. and even if you are just imagining it, you’re happy and content NOW isn’t it ? what matters is that you’re happy and peaceful NOW. not for something or someone else. just for you.

people say, but thats not real. really? what if you suddenly owned a ferrari. have you seen people with fancy cars? just when they bought it, and got into it and drove, probably that was their happiest moment of owning the fancy car. thats it. after that, it was maintenance, insurance, parking costs, stress of driving it around etc etc. trust me, physically owning stuff to have the “feeling of having arrived” is very overrated. very! the time you can spend just daydreaming your ass off, be it at work, play or relaxing, is far more worth and gives you much more happiness in the moment, without all the hassles of physically possessing things, than you can imagine right now. be joyfully, outrageously, passionately imaginative. at all times. no one has to know and you can be happy on the inside all the time!