There have been times in my life when all have seemingly lost value, inherent value. Closely following that feeling is always faith. And then it all seemingly falls away like a pack of cards, you may say or a sand castle, or any metaphor you like to use. It doesn’t matter as long as you get my drift. It all seems to go away. Where, as one author puts it ” breath becomes air”. Void fills my space, within, external and everything in-between. Everything feels surreal, unreal and I feel, once again, that familiar feeling of , “who am I really ” or “what am I really doing here?” sets in. And go as much as I may along this merry ride of pointless inquisitiveness of self enquiry, it does not logically or otherwise lead me into a place of a heart filled solace and peace, that I would normally feel at other times. Where has God forsaken me? I ask quietly.
And suddenly from nowhere, seemingly as I sit wondering, my eyes meet a lovely blooming flower right in front of me. Shaking silently in a quietest of breeze, as if to say “Here I am!, Cant you see me?”. and that has always been, to me, something like a restart, or a reset of coming back out of a void of nothingness. beauty has that quality I feel. It has always been the starting point of all mans quest into divinity and when all seems lost, faith gone, value lost, a sense of purpose and practicality and a sense of quiet continuance of life itself seems pointless, there is beauty. it is embedded in everything around you, all the time!
all the time. Yes! All the time. And in the seemingly most inconspicuous of times, it will pop right in front of your gaze. it has done so for the most profound idiots and made them into orators and poets overnight ! it is the reason for all the quest of mankind into art, music and creative endeavors. It is the meaningless meaning. Beauty is beyond logic and understanding. It is the most meaningless of all senses, and yet because it is beyond everything, it is both the last and the first bastion of God. It has a grace of holding my hand,when all else has failed to grasp its slippery feel. It has a way of telling me to stay for a while. for no reason other than just enjoy. be present. smile, if that is not too much of an effort at the time. shed a tear or two, if I am still human enough. it has a way of holding me hostage to this reality around me firmly. for who in their right minds, who sees this beauty would actually want to leave it? even when i desire a fresh new landscape in my life, a new way of being, it has always started from a signpost of something beautiful. and not necessarily some exotic landscape or a tourist destination; but most of the time, something that is always around me, maybe in my own house, maybe I am even looking at it. and there beauty itself would catch me. and it becomes the start of something new. And so this pointless, meaningless beauty, becomes an all meaningful, blissful, and all the reasons that I cannot imagine but yet the very reasons I exist, to continue. to continue. until that point, where another moment comes along, and starts it all again! and again.